How To :: Flock A Lawn

My birthday is in about a month, and I am planning on flocking myself for the occasion. Have you ever been flocked? If you haven’t, you’re missing out!Consider “flocking” the grown-up (and I use that term loosely) version of toilet-papering your friend’s house. You get the whole “NOOOOOOO waaaaaaay!” moment in the morning when the flockee wakes up to a surprise on the lawn without the cleanup of TP. Still not following? Okay… flocking is basically putting a whole bunch of plastic pink flamingos on someone’s lawn in the middle of the night. We flocked my mom for her birthday a couple years ago and the photo above was the result… kind of. My son up there kept taking the flamingos down. Anyway, you may be asking yourself: Why should I flock? Who should I flock? How do I flock? Let me help you out a bit here. Why should you flock? Well, why the heck not? I personally think it is the very best way to wake up in the morning. I wouldn’t mind a bit if I were be flocked on a daily basis. Who should you flock? Anyone and everyone. It’s particularly fun on someone you love’s birthday but really, you should never need a reason to flock! How do you flock? Now, there’s a few ways to do this. You can buy the flamingos yourself but that can be pricey and let’s face it… flamingos are hard to store. (GetFlocked.com is a great place to buy, because they are hilariously serious about the quality of their flamingos.) If you do choose to buy them, I would try to purchase at least 5 but the more the better. If you’d rather not buy or keep all these fine feathered friends, there are numerous websites that RENT a flock just for this purpose. Honestly, this is why I love life. It is someone’s business to professionally flock lawns. Does it get any better?
One last tip: When flocking, especially with a small number of flamingos, keep them pretty close to each other. If the lawn is large, just chose a small patch and put the flamingos near each other. It will create a bigger impact that way rather than spreading them apart.
So flock the birthday girl, flock your husband, flock your kids, flock your neighbor. Once you flock, you can’t stop.